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Well I just just had a realization while cleaning. I don’t want to give up on this place. I am to old to give up my independence. I just need to push extra hard to find a job. I need to apply to each and very job out there. I can’t give up anymore. I am back on track with my healthy regime again:) I need to make sure I don’t give up on this. I can’t!! 

Sooo I don’t have a job again, but I honestly am starting to feel like myself again. My anxiety has lessened, somewhat less depressed, getting back into eating better again since my motivation is back, and I am drawing again. Now I just need to get back to exercising and find another job soon. If I don’t within 2 months I will have to move. I just wish I could find a job that doesn’t make me emotionally sick again. My mom says go back to doing hair, but I really don’t like doing hair. Something will happen soon I am sure.
From now on though I am going to really push with my art again. I want to sell my art and make a living on that. I want to live a passionate life, a life worth living.

I think the end has come with this job. I am scared but I am more afraid of how much worse my emotional state would have gotten. I need to be done with it. I need to have a place to go to do work.  Unless I am working from home to be an artist, this was not the right thing for me. Home should feel like a place of comfort, not a prison. I unhooked all my equipment and it felt pretty liberating :) Maybe I can get my shit back together. Once I find another job. Hopefully soon and something simple so I can relieve my stress, focus on getting healthy again, and start working on my art. I think I may do a piece for a local art show. That is exciting and scary. I have never done that before. Last time a group of people looked at and critiqued my art was in art school. I really should have gotten back to my main passion sooner. So many paths that lead to the same direction. 

Update!

Well I have a new job and so far I do not have any dread or anxiety. I will be doing tech support and after my training is over I will be working from home YAY!! But right now I am enjoying the class and being around more than just women. Really just the fact that I am around a variety of people and I don’t have to touch smelly people anymore. lol I am feeling a bit more positive right now. I still haven’t been able to get up to visit my family, but now I just need to catch up on my bills before I can take any trips. I can’t wait. I have put off exercising a bit mostly because I am getting use to the new schedule and a week into work I caught a little cold. This week I am going to really get back into a routine. No more excuses! I will not let myself get back into bad shape again. I haven’t gained weight from what I can tell. But I can fee a difference obviously. I just need to start up again and keep at it! 

And I finally pushed myself enough to go for a run/walk tonight. I always feel better that I did. But this week I have been an emotional mess. I just want to cry every day. I have one more days of work before I can have a day off after 7 days in a row. I am drained to the max at this point. My kitty Angel has been having tummy troubles also and I worry since he is 15. I have had him since he was 3 months old so he is like my child. I am hoping it clears up with this new food I bought him. He has no loss of an appetite so I am not sure. 

Doctor Who week has been brightening my week though and the 50th special on Saturday! I am to excited to see it and then on monday in the theater :) So this is a start back to my exercise routine. I will be forcing myself again tomorrow, and for a bit longer. Then eventually it will be something I want to do all the time again. 

Going to get back on track!

I have not posted on this blog in a while. I had been doing well up until a little over a month ago. I have lost track and been kind of getting into a really bad depression. With that comes with not caring about anything basically. I had stopped eating bread for a bit before I got to that point. Now I am like whatever who cares. I had been seeing a difference in how I felt when I was limiting my carbs and just eating more protein. It was great, but life problems got in the way of my positive lifestyle. The biggest problem right now is how negative my job environment has gotten lately. It just kind of makes life dreadful since I am there the majority of my time. I am just basically tired of it all. But I am not going to let myself give up again. What I have accomplished so far has made me very proud of myself. This is a never ending battle with myself. I just have to keep going there is no time limit. 

I had a pretty good day!

Well I finally had an interview at a salon. I didn’t really want a job doing hair but it is what I have now. I change my mind about this all the time. Sometime I really want to do hair others I don’t. But I am feel a bit more confident in myself, and it is a different area. So if I get this job it will be a different sort of clientele than where I was in Central Florida. I am pretty confident after the second part of my interview I will be offered the job. If not well…oh well. At least I looked really good today. haha I bought a cute shirt for the interview. So I can’t wait til tomorrow is over and I know what is what.